A broken heart and a broken mind

Trigger warning: This story contains own 2p headcanons, love there isn't really love and feels..(maybe)


It all changed for him, the day he was ripped away from his home. Away from everything, he knew. He remembered it clearly. They had taken him away at nighttime. He had tried his hardest to get away from them. Kicked and punched but nothing helped, so in the end he just had to accept his fate. He was a small country after all. Small and weak. And especially weakness only led to domination by others, he knew that all too well. He hated being weak, but in his current situation, there wasn’t much he could do about it. His young age didn’t allow him to grant some real power, and especially because he only was the half of the country. He had never met his brother, but from what he had heard of him, he didn’t sound like a person who could help him very much. He just had to realise, what the new reality for him was. Being ruled by others. Being a slave, he would dare say. He hated every thought of it.
   
Lucianos past hadn’t been easy, but he was determined that he would change his future. However, right now he was stuck in this – as he called it – hellhole. His new caretakers didn’t pay him much attention. ‘Mr’ Austria and ‘Mrs’ Hungary, as he was forced to call them. Though he was left alone most of the time, they still had an effect on his everyday life. The worse thing was the ridiculous clothes he should wear. A dress. It was the only thing there had hung in his closet, when he woke up in his ‘new home’. The one time he tried to complain about it, he had been smacked on the side of his head by Mr Austria, and his food that day had been taken away. He needed to eat. In his current situation, that was the only thing there could make him stronger. The more he starved, the weaker he would get, and he wouldn’t let that happened. Of course, he stole all the food he could, but especially Mrs Hungary was good at finding out about this. The food was a reward for not going in the way. Therefore he always tried to control himself, when he was about to lose his temper, or other things that could be regarded as ‘indecent behaviour’. Because as he was told all the time: “A dominated nation has no right to have a meaning. The only purpose such nation have is to sit down, listen and shut up”.    

But there was another thing, that made him want to try to behave – what other people would call – normal. Or another person to be more specific. His name was Holy Roman Empire. A small blond boy dressed in white who looked – in Luciano’s eyes – rather odd. Though there was something about him, that Luciano couldn’t define what was. He didn’t hate the other boy, like he hated the most of the other people here, and he didn’t look down on him either. He respected him in some way, but he didn’t know why. He also got to learn a feeling, that was new to him. Fear. He was afraid to show Holy Rome his true self for some reason, the he couldn’t explain. Luciano was bloodthirsty, usually wanted to hurt people, and had a brilliant mind for such a young country. A combination there was deadly for his enemies, but also deterrent for everyone else around him. Normally this didn’t bother him, but in this case it was different. He didn’t want the other boy to see him like that. In the end, he closed his mind and blocked his rather ‘bloodstained’ thoughts. After some time he had developed a habit to follow the boy around without being noticed. It helped him feel like he knew him, without communicating with him. This would have been good enough for Luciano, but fate had other plans.

It was one of those rare days, where he actually had some chores to take care of. He was carrying a large bucket filled with something, he didn’t know what was. It smelled awful, so he had an idea about what was in it. The bucket was so big, that he almost couldn’t see a thing. Suddenly he bumped into someone and almost dropped the bucket. He placed it on the ground while growling annoyed.
“Watch where the fuck you walk,” he said in an angry voice, and looked at the person in front of him, who quickly made him shut his mouth. His light violet eyes was wide open as he stared stiffly at the other person without really noticing. He shook his head a bit before putting on his normal half-grumpy expression, lifted the bucket and began to walk away.
“Where are you going?” The blond asked with a calm voice and a little smirk on his face.
“Somewhere where I can put this away…” Luciano answered annoyed, though he wasn’t so annoyed as he usually would be in a situation like this.
“It much be so awful to be dominated by others,” he said sarcastic in an attempt to tease the Italian.
“Si, it is..,” Luciano answered sharped before starting to walk again. “And shut up!” He interjected still walking away from the other boy. Though his anger boiled inside him, he couldn’t do anything about that tiny smile, which appeared his face, as he carefully tried to balance the bucket, so he wouldn’t get the content all over himself.

As the time went by, more conversations appeared the two of them. Though most of them ended with Luciano going to his room in frustration. He had managed to steal a knife from the kitchen without being noticed, which now lied under his pillow. The first couple of days it had just lied there, but it didn’t take long before he started to cut in everything from the wall to the bed. He got a weird warm feeling inside, when he used the knife. It just felt good. The knife was also used a lot, after he had had one of those conversations with Holy Rome. It wasn’t just anger that rushed through him, he could feel that, but he didn’t know what else it could be. He also found out, that he had learnt a new feeling yet again. He felt like he could trust this odd boy. However, after some time it all changed.

Being in the house was not like it used to be anymore. Strange men were everywhere, talking in loud voices and were making a mess. Luciano didn’t know what was going on, and he didn’t care enough to try to find out. He just went to his room and tried to kill of the boredom, because he thought it didn’t matter. One morning though he found out, that he was wrong.

He woke up early in the morning, like he always did. When he came down in the kitchen, he noticed that something was wrong. The strange men were gone and everything was quiet. First, he was happy to get some peace, but it didn’t take many minutes, before he got a feeling inside, that something was wrong. As he suddenly felt another person’s present, he turned around the face Mrs Hungary.
“Where is everybody?” He asked, though he normally avoided contact with the people he lived with.        
“Preparing to leave,” she answered in a singing voice.
“Leave? Leave whereto?” The feeling of something being wrong grew slightly
“To war” she said and started to hum.
“War? What? who is..” He could feel a headache coming. “Shut up! Who is going to war?” He didn’t care about the way he talked right now, he just wanted some answers.
“Holy Rome and his men, if you really want to know..” she pouted, as she stopped the humming.
He could hardly say, that he hadn’t seen it coming, but the information still shocked him somehow. Pretending that he didn’t care, he walked quietly out of the kitchen. When he was outside, he ran outside and started to look for the boy.  

He found him on a hilltop, where he was gazing up at the sky. Luciano stopped a couple of meters away from him to catch his breath, before he slowly began walking up to the other. The blond turned his head and looked, as the little nation suddenly stood next to him.
“What do you want?” He asked in a tired voice and looked up at the sky again.
Luciano sat down on the grass next to him, though not to close. He looked up in the sky as well, but quickly got bored, so he started to pull up some of the grass.
“You are going to war,” Luciano simply said and ignored the odd boys question.
“Yes” He said with a little growling in his voice. “I will teach them not to mess my empire”.
“Let me join your empire!” Luciano burst out, before he could stop himself. He had thought over it in a couple of days, and had made his decision.
The blonds golden eyes dislodged from the sky and looked over at the other boys deadly serious expression. He was surprised look on his face for a moment, but it was quickly replaced by a smirk.
“I don’t need help from others..” He said, as he stood up and turned his back to the Italian.
“You will die without me!” Luciano yelled frustrated. He stood up as well and was about to punch the other, but stopped himself. Instead, he just made his hands into little fists and sneered lightly.
“Or you could die”. The words came out without any sighs of condescension or sarcasm. As soon as he had said them, Holy Rome ran away from the hill, leaving a slightly angry but also confused Luciano behind.

The hours went by. Luciano walked back to his room, overwhelmed by anger and a feeling he didn’t understand. He chose to focus on the anger though. He was angry at Holy Rome, but also at himself. Why was he so weak? If he was stronger the other boy wouldn’t look down on him like that. These was the thoughts he had in his head, as he cut several of deep cuts in the wall.
“I don’t care what he think,” he mumbled to himself, though he knew that it was a lie.
He ended up sitting in the corner of the room, his arms around his knees and looking out of the window. He had cut his own hand by accident, and deep red blood was now running from the open wound and down on the floor. There wasn’t any bandage in sight and it would just end up smelling, if he dried it off in the bed sheets. He took the hand up to his mouth, and ran his tongue over the wound to stop it from bleeding. The flavour there hit his tongue was shocking. It was like nothing he had ever tasted before, and it wasn’t a taste, that he would just let go of. As he made this promise to himself, he suddenly discovered that the sun had already started to set. This quickly made him stand up on his feet, whereafter he ran out of the room and outside of the house. In some minutes, he just sought after any sign of life, which made him, end up on an open field. It was here he saw it. Out in the horizon he could glimpse the dark figures of men on horses, which slowly became smaller and smaller, before they finally disappeared from Lucianos range of vision. It was there the thought, which had been in the back of his head for some time, hit him like a knock from a cudgel. He was gone.  
       
The tiny figure stood bathed in the suns last ray and looked out in the horizon. He was alone. The only person he had ever met, that he didn’t want to hurt or just punch in the face had left him behind. His small body trembled, as a tear ran down his cheek and fell to the ground.
“I hate him,” he said with shaking voice. “I hate him so much”.
There was nothing left for him. He had actually tried to act a bit normal, when the other was near, but now it didn’t matter. Now there was no reason for him to hide his true nature. A little distort smile came on his lips, as he looked down on his shaking hands. The only thing that mattered was that he was alone. He didn’t need anyone, and he certainty couldn’t trust anyone. It was just him now. Him and nobody else. He dried his eyes and let out a laughter there didn’t fit his small size. It sounded most like a laughter without control. Loud and shrill. ‘Manic’ some people would probably say. He couldn’t care less if somebody heard him. At ‘home’, nothing had changed, he knew that, but inside him, something had. He felt like he could do what he wanted, and if somebody tried to stop him, he would just finish them off. He was done being a weak nation that people looked down on. The plan was made, and the goal was settled. He smirked, and his light violet eyes shinned in the twilight.
They were all going to pay...      


The end